A Colemere Stroll!

I’ll be perfectly honest, this blog is going to be WAY more P.C compared to my other posts,  and that is because this is being presented to/for ‘Meres & Mosses‘. (Contact/more info shall be posted at the end.) 
I’ve recently been enjoying (as of Monday 14th, until tomorrow, Friday 18th) a short work experience over in Wem Town Hall  with Media Active – Awesome Cinema by the by, I’ll leave their details down at the bottom too, book your own screening etc! – Shameless plug, I know. Sigh. I’ll shut up and carry on now.

Anyway, yesterday we decided that we’d take a walk in and around the beautiful scenery  that is Colemere! As it was up to us what we’d take from the day, my group have made a poetic story, a couple of drawings, a collage, time-lapses etc; while I had decided to take photographs, (which I’ll hopefully post a couple here) and my own, goofy blog. 

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If you’re able to, i’d highly recommend you take a walk around this place, it’s genuinely a nice walk, with some real pretty sights, and some crazy looking wildlife/plant life. Definitely would be a great day out, take some time and just, well take it all in. Awesome. Check out Meres and Mosses for more info on what they do for conservation & raising awareness for local communities.

Wem Town Hall info/website  – http://www.wemtownhall.co.uk/visitor-information/
Meres and Mosses info/website – http://www.themeresandmosses.co.uk/page/50/about.htm

Feeling – Calm, optimistic.

– LOVE YO’ FACES

-ANDY OUT

-BLOG OVER

 

Ehrr Mah Gerrdd.

HOLY SWEET F**KBALLS.

…it’s been a while. Howdy to the 3/4 people who read this. Bloody hell, it’s 2014! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Birthday(?), and a happy new year. Also any other holiday I missed. asdfghjkl;s. Blargh.

SO YEAH HI.

I thought I best write something, so y’know…eeesh, I really should plan something to write about rather than just get an urge and type all kinds of bullshit as I go. DAMNIT WHY WON’T I LEARN!?

You haven’t missed much in my life really, still in a wee bit of a rut, obtained a girlfriend, lost a girlfriend, obtained a job, still in that job, hate people, love people, had a birthday, yadda yadda yadda. 21 years old, and still…well, no different actually. paha.

I miss people. I’m (STILL) working my way back into the real world after becoming a depressed shut in for a looooonngg while after well, i’ve explained parts of it on here, i’m sure, but the crap that’s happened since, is gonna take a loooong while to fix. -_- That includes friends, my health, my future, etc etc, but as bad as i’m making things out to sound, I’m actually in a better (ish) place than I have been in my last few posts! I’m planning things for once, and I NEVER, and I MEAN EVER do that. Like, things that may seem stupidly no-chance of ever happening, but ACTUAL AMBITIONS!..ish. xD Sooo, I guess that was some sort of stupid update/i’mnotdeadbutthanksforwondering kinda post. I’m not even gonna promise to post more often, i’ve done that several times and NEVER HAVE. Either way, hope things are well with you, things are y’know, alright on my end.

FEELING = Neutral

LOVE YO’ FACES

– ANDY OUT

-BLOG OVER

Those little things. Happy(ish) endings?

It’s not exactly a secret that my past year or two have been a bit of a shocker, (publicly and personally) and I just really wanted to write a little about this, to thank a couple of people I guess, and to show that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.

Ignoring the personal stuff; (waaay too much ‘crazy’ to get into there, eeeessh.) Around the time I started Uni, (which for the most part, I’ll be honest; I enjoyed)  things started getting kinda sucky, I started over-thinking things, I started disliking the course (wasted lessons, kinda crappy tutors, etc etc) It ended up being a waste of time, so much so, I let myself get behind, and they wanted me to re-do the first year. (But why would I want to restart something that wasn’t beneficial to me and made me unhappy?)  so of course I tried to make the decision that made the most sense, and that was to quit. I’ll admit, I became a little bitter towards the whole place, and certain people there which I understand was kinda shitty on my part. Skipping over the details, I felt lost, I felt like a loser, I ignored my own friends, all sorts and I basically let my depression get way out of hand again, which of course, is never fun, and I’m having to deal with it again now. BUT. A couple of things REALLY helped me out back there, and they were;

1. CM Punk – I know this may sound stupid, but around the time everything went, without a better word, ‘dark’ I bought a DVD. That was a documentary-style film about one of my favourite wrestlers; (yes, I’m a twenty year-old man who still loves wrestling. Wanna fight about it? haha) it was called: ”CM Punk – Best in the World”, and really, I only bought it as a huge fan of his, and wanted to learn more about him, his career and his life, but I got a lot more than I bargained for. It made me feel more determined, happier, it started a fire inside of me, and it was simply because of his passion. ‘Phil Brooks’ (Aka CM Punk) was/is tough, and I don’t just mean physically, obviously, I mean in general, most of his personal/professional life, he had so many obstacles (be it not really having a ‘normal’ family life, people not believing in him, pushing through how people treated/thought of him etc) Yet, he found his passion, and that was it, he hung on to it, he never gave up. Yes, I could go into greater detail, and I could completely fan-boy out on him even more, but this blog isn’t about that.

2. Random encounters – I say encounters, when I’m really only gonna talk about one specific random encounter. I’m not going to name the person, though she may be reading this, and it’ll be pretty obvious to her if she does. One of those days after everything seemed absolutely shite, I was pretty much just zombie-ing around a shop, I can’t even remember why I was there, I just remember looking exhausted, teary-eyed and a wee bit of a mess in general. Then there she was, a person who I wasn’t exactly super-friendly with, I just remember hoping that she didn’t notice me, (the whole avoiding people) until she waved, so I gave a weak little smile, with a slight wave, and my heart sank a little as she walked over. I remember thinking ‘Shit, now i’ve gotta keep up appearances’…which clearly was the worst day to do so. Long story short, she was SUPER nice to me, she gave me the biggest hug after hearing I wasn’t doing so good, and I was too close to breaking down into tears there in her arms. It simply meant A LOT, and still does. It was one of the smallest gestures that meant the freakin’ world at the time. So yeah, Deb, I get that we don’t talk too much now, and I haven’t exactly been the best friend to you, but I just wanna say thank you, seriously, it means way more than you can imagine. (PS – I should really mention a couple of people from Uni who did get in contact with me, really just to check up on me, and they are both awesome people for it, and their actions also meant a lot, they may know who they are.) 

3. A couple of Frank Turner songs – No, seriously. ‘Recovery, The way I tend to be, and: If ever I stray’ AMAZING songs, made me feel way better, so I love your songs, and love yo’ face.

This isn’t really meant to be an overly-sad blog, I’m just trying to open up more with people, and I know i’ve never really gotten into the ‘personal’ stuff, but hey, it’s a start right? I’ve gotten the whole ‘Uni-thing’ off of my chest a wee bit, and just want to say as shitty as things may get, it sounds stupid, but there are SO many little silly things there that can just cheer you up, and help you recover, I mean I only explained a couple. I’m getting better now, slowly, and little by little, but it’s working y’know? I’ve got a job finally, i’m doing my best to see/talk to some old friends I feel ignored, starting to see a counsellor again so I can talk about things, things are looking up! So to anyone out there who may be struggling, or knows anyone who is, I am here, you can feel free to message me anytime you want, or hell, look for the smallest things to make your day, or fuck it, someone’s looking sad? Just give them a smile, like i’ve been yabbering on about, the littlest things can mean the most to someone who’s feeling shite.

Enough of me going on and on, sorry it’s been a long one, kinda rambled on!

Feeling – Better, happier. 
Love yo’ faces

– Andy Out
– Blog Over

‘I done goofed.’

It’s been a while. Thought i’d better post something after almost two months of silence! Eeesh. I was meant to be making this a regular thing. ‘I DONE GOOFED’

To be honest, there hasn’t really been anything worthwhile to gush and go mad about, I mean; of course SOME things have happened, mainly the fact I could be just that teeensy bit closer to acctually starting my own little business and DOING SOMETHING. Crazy, I know; but I digress, I missed this. I almost don’t care that it’s only a small amount of people that even read these, I feel a little better each time I type one out. Feel privileged, it’s like charity work, ‘help this young man have a better life by simply taking a few minutes out of your life to read his blog, and together, we can fight for a better future.’…ooorr something like that. Again, I digress…a double digress…is that even okay? To digress after I just recently digressed on this blog? Anyway, I digress (sorry, had to) I know I haven’t really gone into anything on this particular blog, BUT I should…hopefully…keep it up and re-work it into a regular thingy again. 

PS – There’ll probably be some silly blogs, to balance out the most likely soon-to-be serious blogs. So y’know. There’s that. But of course I didn’t want to come back on a ‘bleghhy’ note.

FEELING = Neutral, recovering <— (PPS – Might try this out, writing how I feel at the end of the blog. Though I’m sure this didn’t need explaining. If it did, KNOWLEDGE-BOMB.

LOVE YO’ FACES

– ANDY OUT

– BLOG OVER

Improvements.

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Whew, I really have been a little overly-mopey as of late. The thing is, an old councellor I used to see once pointed out to me that I am very self-aware, that I’m basically able to understand my own issues, even if it’s not that obvious to others. This I guess can be seen in three ways; that one, It’s healthy that I can see and understand my own problems, and can work on them, or prevent certain things from happening, that two; I understand my own issues, yet still allow it to worsen/stay unsolved, and that three; I become so self aware (wow, I sound like a t-1000 robot or something) that I am so paranoid, that I have to overthink the simplest of things and become paralyzed with anxiety. I’ll be honest, it’s all three. Maybe not at the same time of course, but y’know, shite happens. Right now for example, I understand my outlook/attitude on life is pretty much…well, pessimistic, I’m not the kinda guy to use my depression as an excuse, but hell, it never helps. I am doing my hardest to be a little happier, stay a little more positive, be less bitter, and just generally be happier for people, and it is working!…Slowly, but y’know, it’s an improvement! I’m not going to go into how long it’s been since i’ve been in a ‘proper’ relationship, that’s a whole different blog, (yeeesh) but along with some shitty things i’ve done in the past, and trust issues, it’s all built up to a whole ”relationship=AHH HIDE” sorta deal, which obviously sucks with me being ‘falls for people hard’ kinda guy, with a weakness for troubled people. (See- ‘Facts about Andy’ Blog – Damsel in distress syndrome…haha) But I want to do my damned hardest to improve, I want to be happier, not to be the perfect, ultimate version of Andy, but y’know, at least a better Andy. I mean that in the most ‘normal’ way possible, not in a sad way, not asking for attention etc.

…BUT I do miss the whole ‘relationship’ business as long as the other person could appreciate the fact I would need to work on opening-up and talking about things. (Ironically I’m best talking to counselors people I hardly know…the irony is the whole..well, y’know the social anxiety stuff, yadda yadda.) 

ENOUGH OF THIS. So to summarise, i’m working on making Andy, a better Andy, be it for myself, friends, family or even potential relationships. This is a happy blog, a ‘huh, things can’t be THAT bad’ sorta blog. -Smiley face-

-LOVE YO’ FACES

-ANDY OUT

-BLOG OVER

An odd dream! AKA: Wtf. (Warning: won’t make much sense)

Okay, I forgot to post this!
Sadly, though I am lucky (and unlucky) to have an overactive-imagination, I don’t really remember my dreams too often. BUT when I do, they’re pretty damn…interesting…and well, I should write them down more often. I’m just going to copy + paste what I had written down for this dream. (Note: this was typed rather quickly in the morning, as soon as I had woken up, so I apologise if there are spelling errors, things that don’t make sense, and well…general stupidity, hey I was tired.) Here we are:

Some average looking guy is working at a hospital. (Very similar to scrubs, almost exact to start off with) Everyone tries to disrespect/ignore him for some reason, like he’s done something bad in the past. After a failed attempt at finding a girl; (almost in a how I met your mother sorta way) apparently, that’s enough, he needs to go back and fix the past. This also included random flashbacks of a whispery voice, and a load of beams/planks falling on his friend, who’s apparently his ex-guitarist for his band. The weird thing was, no-one, including the main guy, is that bothered about the traumatic experience.  So to go ‘fix the past’ he grabbed a red-headed girl, who apparently is his friend, (though doesn’t seem too happy to come with him) and they went down to either a sub-way or a sewer, can’t remember which.  Suddenly, they were there, the place from his flashbacks, the make-shift ladders and stairs made of planks and poles, the things builders use when, y’know, building something. The place started to get creepy, this room, seemed bigger, A LOT bigger. ‘’…wwhhyyy are youuu herree…?’’ the voice from the flashback was there, the room became cold, the voice seemed to be getting angrier by the second, disgusted with the two ‘heroes’ who again, didn’t seem fazed.  Oh, did I mention that empty puppets were strung around the poles? They were very well-known ones too, Grover, Elmo, Kermit etc. But for some reason, there was a weird focus upon Grover, I say this because, reality *sort of* played back into the dream, but it was almost as if the main character had the flashbacks again, this time of the actual me. I saw the poster for the dream, apparently it was a movie, the poster had a group of grumpy-looking people, including the main, generic looking ‘typical loser-becomes hero’ guy, the red-headed girl, and for some reason, Grover from sesame street, in front of them, with his arms stretched out, almost to keep them back? That’s odd. I mention the whole ‘reality flashback’ because suddenly, I saw my room, I was in bed, lying on my side, when suddenly a face appeared and pushed through the curtains of my room. (Frighteners style, I’ll include a pic)  Well, back to what was originally happening, the room, now filled with this angry voice, didn’t scare off the two ‘heroes’, they went to dismantle the poles for some reason by untying some rope that was keeping it together, the voice noticeably got upset with them breathing heavily, practically growling at them; ‘’hey, don’t stop just because he’s breathing heavily, we can do it this time!’’ said the red-headed girl to the main guy. He suddenly focused, kept untying rope after rope, the voice becoming louder and louder, ‘’why, go away, leave here, I’ll kill you, your friend too..’’ That was it, the poles and planks came crashing down, and somehow didn’t hurt either the two main characters, and a loud, blood-curdling scream came out of nowhere, ‘the voice’ knew he had been defeated. The whole dream from then on wasn’t so creepy, it turned into almost a silly cartoon sorta thing. The voice, which was now trapped, as a face in a piece of cloth, apparently did whatever the main guy said. ‘’So uh, bring him back to life now yeah?’’ ‘’…I won’t do a thing you say, you wait until I…okay he’s back to life now.’’ The last thing I remember is the main character (who was almost becoming me at this point) laughing, then eskimo kissing the voice’s face,  (a cartoon sound plays, like a bell ringing?) almost to rub it in that he defeated it. So YEAH. That was my dream. (BELOW – The Frighteners movie poster, to show what I meant by the face thing.) 

Imageth


Note: WOW. I just re-read that. I wrote it a couple of weeks ago, and it even had me thinking; ‘the fuck Andy!?’  Right, well I hope you guys were able to keep up with it, I barely did, and I dreamt it! Apologies for it not making sense yadda yadda.

LOVE YO’ FACES.

-BLOG OVER
– ANDY OUT